Contemplating suicide
by Rayne of fire
Summary: What happens when Seras can't take anymore of her 'existence? After a frightful event, Alucard tries to give Seras afew reasons to live. Themes of suicide and future lemon
1. Isn't someone missing me?

Contemplating suicide.

Authors note:

This part of the story is told for Seras' point of view. This fic deals with the subject of suicide, so if this subject offends or upsets you in any way my advice is don't read this fic. You have been warned. It's a very strange love story between Alucard and Seras, and how one very painful event brings them closer together. So then, on with the fic.

Everyone has a breaking limit, and I knew that I had reached mine. Here I am sitting in my coffin, all alone as usual. The events earlier on have forced me into this, how could the people who pretended to be my friends be so cruel to me. I finished writing the final letter; it was for Alucard, my master, the man I had fallen in love with. I had written three letters in total, one to Sir Integra, one to Walter and one to Alucard.

I just hope that they will understand why I am doing this. Well if they bother to read the letters then they will understand.

I place them in a line across the table, god how did I get like this. A single lonely tear rolls down my face and lands softly on the polished wood of the table. I look back to my coffin and there I see my choice of weapon, it's ironic really, the weapon that took my life as a human will be what kills me as a vampire, my masters Casull.

My master, how the hell did I fall in love with him? It was just a hopeless crush, at least that's what I thought it was at first. You could say that it was borderline obsession now, but he never cared about me. He would never care about me in any way, shape or form. He didn't even like me. He no doubt regretted turning me into a vampire; he always looked at me with disgust.

I slowly walk to my coffin. I have to do this, I don't have a choice any more, no one cares. I sit down and pick up the gun to examine it. It's such a beautifully crafted thing, shame that it will be the last thing I see though. I think yet again of why I am doing this…god why can't they just treat me as if I have some feelings?

Flashback

"Police girl what the fuck were you doing out there, you nearly got those men killed." All I could do was cower as my master released his rage on me. It was an accident, plus what the hell was I supposed to do? I could either take the chance and get the freak or I could have got killed, everyone probably would have. I had to take the chance, and anyway everyone came out alive.

"If you ever, EVER do something like that again and you will be the one that dies, I assure you." Next thing I knew Sir Integra was marching up with Walter at her side…and she wasn't happy. What happened next I never saw coming, she slapped me, as hard as she could across the face.

"You stupid, stupid girl. What kind of stunt was it you were trying to pull?" Tears fell silently down my cheeks, why was this happening?

"Answer her question, you worthless creature" Alucard roared at me. I winced at his words, but didn't answer, big mistake. Before I knew what was going on my master had punched me as hard as he could in the ribs, he broke seven in total. I crumbled to my knees, god it hurt. I wrapped my arms around my middle as to comfort myself, but the pull on my hair quickly stopped my self comfort. Alucard dragged me to my feet and held me up by my hair.

"You will do as I say you useless thing or else that punch in the ribs will be nothing in comparison to what I will do to you." I was now suspended off the ground by my hair, tears streaming down my face. I looked at Integra who just shook her head and sighed. "Get in the van with the soldiers and when we get back to the Hellsing mansion I don't want to see you for the rest of the night, understood?" Integra's words frightened me, she had control of Alucard and I didn't want another beating, so I nodded weakly. He released me and I quickly got moving. Despite the pain and got into the van and closed the doors behind me. They wouldn't have to worry about seeing me again tonight; they would never see me again, I would end this. That was my final thought before the van began to move. To engross in the utter agony I was in I never heard my masters voice in my head 'What are going to end, Seras?' If I had listened then I would have heard something in his voice that I had never heard before, something akin to fear.

End of flashback

I rubbed at my ribs, they still hurt. That memory was only four hours old and the past four hours had been hell. I choked back my tears, looking at the gun. I couldn't believe that I just walked into his room and got it, he had been upstairs talking with his master and I just took it. No doubt they were talking about ways to punish me.

I turned on my stereo and put on a song a particular song that reflected everything I felt, I put it on repeat I wanted them to hear it to, the premise of the song would help them see things from my point of view, it was Evanescence, missing.

The haunting tune began to play and I knew it was time, I lifted the gun and pressed it to my chest just at my heart and took a deep breath, I had to do this, I had no reason to continue living, not one.

**Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
Isn't something missing?**

Ready to pull the trigger I closed my eyes and began to press down …then my door opened.

There stood Alucard, Integra and Walter with angry faces which soon changed to ones of complete and utter shock.

I looked at them and smiled "I sorry." I pulled the trigger.

**You won't cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?**

The pain hit me like nothing on earth; it was so much of it so fast. I saw the gun fall to the floor out of my hand, yet there was no sound just pictures.

I could barely feel anything anymore. Alucards face then came into view he was shouting something but I couldn't hear him, I just smiled, even when I was dying he was still cruel.

**Even though I'd be sacrificed,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?**

I raised my hand to his face and stroked his cheek, my vision was getting worse, yet I couldn't help but notice then thin lines of red from his eyes……..he was…crying. I pulled my hand away and looked at my fingers, blood, he was crying, because of me.

**Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
Shudder deep and cry out:  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?**

Then something dawned on me, why wasn't I dead, I aimed for my heart, I should be dust. My aim always sucked; turns out when they came in the room I moved the gun to the side absentmindedly. I had nicked my heart; it also helps when he doesn't load it with exploding silver bullets. They were just plain silver nothing else.

**Even though I'd be sacrificed,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?**

I looked down to see he was pressing the heel of his palm into the wound, slowing the blood. He looked so….well scared, he had no control over the situation and he clearly didn't like it.

He looked into my eyes gave a weak smile, _'you will be alright, I promise Seras just hold on, please just hold on.' _Why was he pleading with me to live when I though he wanted me dead, I though he hated me.

He had read my thoughts and shook his head. _'No Seras, I don't hate you, I don't want you to die, I can't lose you, I'm sorry I lost my temper earlier, you were doing your best you just made a mistake, that's all. I should never have hit you, or said what I did. Please don't give up, you have to keep going.' _

Just then I saw about five men enter the room, Integra and Walter had went to get medics, I hadn't even realised they had left.

**And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
And wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something...**

With my fading strength I said as loud as I could in a raspy voice "Give me a reason to live, just one." He moved away as the medics tried to help me. I watched him the whole time. He put his head in his hands and sobs began to shake his body. The world turned into a blur of colours then it started to go dark. I was loosing all the feeling in my body, I was going to die. I would give up, and as that final thought came to my head everything went black.

**Even though I'd be sacrificed,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?**


	2. Why is this happening?

This part of the story is told from Alucards point of view. No lemon as of yet. Probably in the 4th chapter. Also I would like to thank all those who reviewed this story. Thank you very much. I can't believe how many of you wanted to cry. Ok then, on with the show.

I had not cried like that in centuries. But too many memories came from what she did. My human wife from all those years ago when I was Vlad Dracula, who I loved with all my heart, jumping out a window in the highest tower and now Seras trying to shot herself in the heart. Or did she miss on purpose so that she would slowly bleed to death? Why is it that those I love kill themselves, or try to? How could I have been so blind in the first place? I should have taken care of her, helped her but instead I drive her to try and commit suicide. The last few hours had been so surreal. She is stable now, but I know that no one will forget this. I have been sitting beside her for the last 2 hours. The constant beeping noise of that damn heart monitor. It is a common misconception that vampire's hearts don't beat. They do just very, very, very weakly. God knows how they made one to monitor a vampire's regular heartbeat, I wasn't going to ask. All those tubes running into her body, restoring all the blood she had lost made her look so fragile, as if she were a porcelain puppet and the tubes were the strings. To say she was a porcelain puppet was too accurate. Her face was so pale; she almost blended into the sheets. But still, she was as beautiful as ever.

I heard the door open behind me, and I turn to see Walter. We are situated in a bedroom in the west wing of the mansion, heavy draped covering the window. The sun has been up for a while now but I will not sleep, I won't leave her side. I want to be here if she wakes up, or if the worst happens. "We found this letter in Seras' room Sir Alucard, it's for you." He stretches out his arm and gives me a white envelope with my name beautifully written on it in red ink. I look at it afraid of what it will have written inside, afraid of what her last thought of me were. "Thank you." I heard the door shutting. I glanced around to confirm that I was alone with her again. I took a deep, unneeded breath and open the letter. It read:

Dear Alucard

If you are reading this I am gone now, and can't ever return. I know this is what you want. I have been nothing but a burden to you, please forgive me. It is clear that I won't be missed; you will probably throw a party. I understand that you will think that this is a coward's way out and I was just a weak little pathetic creature, not even worthy of being called a vampire. I tried my hardest and it was never enough. You never noticed my efforts or my accomplishments. You only cared about my failures. Yet regardless of how cruel you were to me, my feelings never changed. The main thing that I really need to tell you is that I love you. I have loved you for the longest time and every time you put me down, hit me and called me names, abused me, a part of me inside died. I know that it means nothing to you and you never had any feelings for me, and I understand. I have never had a man love me. I suppose that was the way I was supposed to end up, without love, alone. I suppose that there is nothing to really love about me. Thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but it was never a life. It was an existence. An existence in which I was never happy, never cared for and will never be missed. I have to go now, I need to do this before you or someone else comes and finds me. It's a bit ironic, really. The weapon that you used to kill me as a human will be the weapon that I will use to take my life as a vampire. Strange little world this is. Fare well my master, I will miss you most of all.

With a my heart and soul

Seras Victoria.

My tears hit the page turning it red. This isn't happening, it can't be happening. Why the fuck did I never treat her right? I dropped the letter to the floor and buried my face in the matrices beside her pale, cold hand. I had never felt pain like this before. Guilt, love, hate, despair, fear all in one. The sobs just come now, I can't control them. It just hurts too much. "I'm sorry, I am so so sorry Seras. I should have treated you right. I should have noticed how you were feeling. I never meant anything that I said. I would miss you if you died. I heard the song that you played when you tried to kill yourself, and I never noticed that that was your feelings. You are not worthless, you mean so much to me. I just never voiced how I felt about you. I was just cruel because I had feeling for you that I haven't had in centuries. I didn't know what to do. God I am so sorry. Please, please just wake up and tell me that you are ok, please." Then I remember what she said '_Give me a reason to live, just one_.' I would give her a reason to live. Folding my arms around my head I whimpered "Let me be your reason to live, let me be the one you live for and lives for you in return." I calmed myself, I knew she couldn't hear me yet I needed to say it all. I needed to explain myself; it was like a confession, which I was praying she would hear. Then I felt something stroke my hair, so delicately. I looked up and there she was, laying there, crying, weakly smiling at me. For once in my long life my prayers actually got answered. Her hand moved to remove my tears, and rest against my cheek. I move her hand and kiss her palm, she had heard everything. "I promise that I will be your reason to live Seras." She squeezed my hand and beckoned me closer, I moved so that I was closer to her, my face next to hers. "Thank you, my master." I smiled and stroked her cheek; it was cold and as white as snow. "Call me Alucard, ok?" She nodded and pulled me closer so I was completely on the bed with her. "Stay here with me, please. I don't want to be alone right now." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her carefully to me. "Of course. Now get some rest. You have lost quite a lot of blood." She gave a soft nod and closed her eyes. "And Seras..." Her eyes opened again and she looked right at me. "I love you to." It was quite funny the way her eyes widened, I half though they would come out the sockets. She nuzzled into my chest and murmured something incoherent. I felt that it would be safe to sleep, but I knew the next few days would be quite ruff getting her back on track, but I was willing to take the time. I would have to show her how much she really meant to everyone……especially me.


	3. A letter for Walter

Yay. People like this story even though I have no talent in writing at all. Ok, no Alucard or Seras in this part of the story. All from Walters p.o.v. Don't worry you will find out what she wrote to everyone.

I looked at the envelope containing the letter Seras had written for lord Alucard. I have no idea what she could have written, but I am worried. I walked slowly to the room, trying to prolong the event as much as possible. I understood Seras' actions, but I don't think she realised how many people care about her. For a start, a lot of the men in this organisation owe Seras their lives; they care for her like a little sister even though she is the strongest amongst them. Her smiles and chirpy attitude calm the men when they are going on a mission. They feel protected around her. I remember a particular incident when they were sent out to beat back at least one hundred ghouls; they were so scared and sad. Yet along comes Seras and within minutes she had them laughing at a joke, something to do with Van Helsing and newspaper. They had all been wondering how she was, news spreads fast around this place.

I reached the door and entered. Alucard hadn't moved from his spot beside her, and she still had not regained consciousness. I told him of the letter and gave it to him. I new he wanted to be alone. I had never seen Alucard cry before, but it sure as hell made me realise a few things. I felt him in piece to read it. I have never truly understood Alucard. Only a few days ago he was telling me of his feelings towards Miss Victoria. I was slightly surprised. He had shown little interest in her, and after what he had done to her earlier on I had my doubts. That was the problem though, he made Seras believe that he didn't care and yet when faced with losing her, he is a completely different person. I now that the next few days, perhaps even weeks, will be difficult but I am sure that she can be helped.

I should go and check on Sir Integra. Not long after the incident she was violently ill. She too had cried for Seras. After the paramedics had taken Seras away, Sir Integra walked up to her room calmly walked in to the connecting bathroom and was sick. Between her sobs I caught statements such as "It's all my fault" and "I didn't mean this to happen." I held her hair away from her face and rubbed her back to comfort her. Once she had relaxed a little I told her to get dressed and get some sleep. I went down to the kitchen and filled a pitcher with cold water and ice. I walked back up to her room and knocked the door. She told me to come in. I placed the pitcher on her bedside table and tucked her into bed, much like a child. She quickly fell asleep.

I left the room as quietly as possible and went to my room. I entered and locked the door behind me, moving to sit on my bed. I took a deep breath and reached into my waistcoat pocket, removing the letter Seras had written for me. I slowly opened the letter and began to read its contents.

Dear Walter

I want to thank you for everything. You have been such a good friend to me. I hope I have not hurt you by ending my life. I know that you will be one of the few that will miss me. I want you to know that my death has nothing to do with you. You were always so kind to me, like a grandfather. Hope I don't make you feel too old by saying that. There is only a few things that I would like you to do for me. Please take care of my master and Integra while I am gone. Also tell my squad that I will miss them dearly and always remember the joke about Van Helsing. Please take good care of yourself and hopefully you won't have to make much more use of your evil dental floss. Take care; I will miss you so much.

With all my heart and soul

Seras Victoria

I took yet another deep breath to keep myself from crying. I had never dealt with this kind of situation, and it was so confusing. I know now that if Seras pulls through that I must talk with Sir Integra and Alucard alone. I know that it will hurt them emotionally, but they need to realise that Seras cares about them regardless of everything. I must sleep on this. And with that I lay down and close my eyes, letting my tired body rest. My prayers all for our Seras, our beloved little police girl.


	4. Women are meant to be loved

Another chapter. All Alucard and Seras. Things are gonna heat up now . All from Alucards p.o.v.

It had been precisely one week since Seras had made her suicide attempt, and things appeared to be getting a lot better. It had taken only four days to fully recover from her injuries. However her attitude was somewhat hard to change. She was extremely quiet, keeping to herself and avoiding contact with other people. She had said that she just needed time to herself to think about things. After three days of seclusion she came out of her room and asked Integra if there were any mission that she could go on. My master had been extremely worried about her, I knew she could be cold hearted sometimes but I knew for a fact that she would never strike Seras ever again. My master turned to me and gave me a look as if to ask for my permission to let her go, I gave a small nod. "There has been a small freak problem just outside of London, a singular freak and a few ghouls. Take a squad and deal with the problem." Seras gave a small smile to Integra and said "Wouldn't it be easier if I went alone. If there is such a small problem then it is kinda silly sending a whole squad, if you don't mind me saying." I blinked a few times; I really didn't like that idea. I had hardly let my eyes off of Seras for the last week, without her knowledge, and her going out on her own to fight a bunch of ghouls didn't appeal to me. I had to intervene, so I put forward a proposition. "Master, she has a point. What if me and her go? I will be able to teleport us and we will have the problem dealt with in no time." Integra no doubt caught onto why I wanted to go along. "Alright then, on you go." Seras saluted and walked out in order to pick up her weapon, I followed behind her.

Once we reached the armoury, she walked over to a bunch of lockers and pulled out her anti-freak cannon. It was funny how at first glance that you would think the gun would crush the poor girl, but she sure as hell knew how to use it. Let me put it this way, I like girls with guns. She loaded up some ammunition and walked over to me. "We better get going." I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly to me, in a moment we were engulfed in a sea of black, and then just a quickly as it appeared, it disappeared revealing and old abandoned factory. I loosened my grip but didn't release her. "Nice place" she said sarcastically. I just chuckled. "Lets get this over with so that we can go home; Walter said he was going to get me a new gun." She looked at me quizzically and said "It wouldn't happen to be replacing your Casull now would it?" I just looked at the ground. She was right. I didn't want it. Every time I held it or looked at it I just remember it in her hands and why she had it. She tilted my face up with at finger under my chin. I looked at her, pain evident I my eyes, I nodded softly. "Alucard, I know that you love that silly gun, don't let my stupid decisions make you throw it away." I did really love the gun. It was my favourite of the two I had. I gave her another nod and released her. Then without any warning she lent up and kissed me on the cheek. I stared at her for a moment and smiled. "Now let get rid of this stupid freak before Integra thinks we are getting our ass kicked by a low life." And with that she skipped away. I just shook my head laughing quietly. Then I remembered an old saying, one that was becoming more true the more I stayed around Seras, 'Women are meant to be loved, not understood.'

We entered the factory via an old broken down fire door. There was no sign of movement or any form of life, not even insects. We proceeded threw a large corridor to asset of double doors. On the other side you could hear babbling and whispers, as well as groans coming from some ghouls. I looked to Seras and she nodded to me, holding her cannon, ready to attack. With one of my infamous manic grins I kicked down the door and began to shoot the first ghoul in site. Integra was right about it being a small problem, there was a whole nine ghouls, eight now, ok five now thanks to Seras and her cannon and one pathetic looking ghoul. Seras proceeded to take out ever ghoul, sending there remains flying while I decided to advance on the freak. With a single, well aimed shot he was dust.

The mission in total had taken us ten minutes to complete, two if you excluded the time it took to get here and our little chat. Then I began to think about why she had kissed me. I knew she cared for me, she conveyed her feelings in letter to me, the one which I now kept well hidden underneath my coffin. I heard sneezing from her direction and looked up. While dusting off her clothes she inhaled some of the ashes causing her to go into a sneezing fit. The funniest part of it was she sneezed like a kitten. "Aww poor kitten." She just looked at me and coughed a few times before calming herself. "Master, why is it that you don't call me police girl any more?" I gave out a long sigh; did she not remember what she had written in the letter about calling her names? "You said in the letter that you didn't like getting called names." I lowered my gaze to the ground and kicked at the remains of a ghoul. She moved to stand in front of me and smiled, forcing me to look at her. "When I said that I meant really mean things like, well you can guess. I guess the police girl thing grew on me. It was more a nickname that only you had for me. I learned to like it." I gave her a gentle smile. "Now let's go home, my stomach is talking to me." My smile broadened, wrapping my arms around her I teleported us back to Sir Integra and gave her a brief report before going to Seras' room. Once we had settled on her bed beside each other I pulled two blood packs from my jacket pocket and gave one to her. She instantly began to drink, she was really hungry. After finishing our meals, we binned the blood packet and I bid her a good-day since the sun would rise soon. However the way she would say good-day to me was most surprising. She wrapped both her arms around my neck and pulled me into a slow deep kiss. There were no duelling tongues, no rough caresses, just the softest meshing of lips and the gentlest of touches. We reluctantly pulled away from each other and she whispered "good-day." I walked out of that room with a grin to match the Cheshire cats and I knew she was the same, that saying was so right, women were made to be loved, not understood.


	5. Do you love me?

Sorry I took so long to update, school got in the way. This chapter contains a lemon, and my first one ever so expect it to suck. Thanks for all the reviews love you all. All told from Seras' p.o.v.

I lay in bed thinking over what I had just done, I kissed my master. In my three days of isolation I decided that I needed to be brave and give in to what I wanted, not to shy away. I never realised that I would be kissing him so soon. God, I have changed so much. And why the hell can I still taste those perfect sinful lips of his, I kissed him two hours ago. He tastes sweet and coppery, like a perfectly aged wine with a dash of blood in it. He is intoxicating, and I want more. Sitting up I look at the clock, it was seven in the morning, and the sun will be up. I decide that I am no longer going to torture myself, and go and see what Alucard is up to. Great debate before I leave though, I am in my night clothes which consist of a pair of black underwear and a large white shirt. Should I change or go see him looking like this? Well if he is asleep then what is the point in getting changed. Standing and stretching until I hear my back click twice, I walk out the room down to Alucards and knock the door. To my surprise the door opens and, oh dear god help me I am about to die. There he stands looking like a god wearing only a pair of black lose fitting boxers! He is perfectly built in the torso. His abs, the pecks I just want to lick every inch of his body…bad thoughts, bad, stop it.

"Can I help you Seras?" His voice is like velvet, ack I sound like I am in a romance novel. "I can't sleep and I was just wondering if you were awake." I was fumbling with the bottom of my shirt by this point, why hadn't I changed. He grinned and said "Nice attire police girl, counting on me being awake?" I was now as red as I could possibly get. "Not…not at all Master. I was just...erm...wondering if you were awake. I didn't think that you…wouldbesoIdidn'tgetchanged." Ok that last part could have been said a bit slower. He just chuckled, I looked up and he moved to the side. "Come in Seras." I walked slowly into his room and then moved to sit on his bed. His room was quite different from mine. His coffin was far bigger than mine. You could have easily fitted 5 people in it and still have room between them all. It was also surrounded by red drapes and had red silk sheets, what's with him ant the colour red? There was a large table set in the middle of the room with a large glass pitcher of blood and two glasses, and a huge chair at one end. It looked like a thrown fit for a king, but he was a king.

"Would you like something to drink?" I nodded and he poured me a large glass of blood and gave it to me. I sipped at it gingerly, watching him all the time. "So what's troubling you?" I sighed quietly. "Its just I feel like a bit of a fool for kissing you when I don't even know what you feel about me. I'm sorry if you didn't want me to but I just…" I was cut off by a set of lips over mine; I blinked a few times then began to close my eyes. He pulled back taking my glass and putting it on the table and then looking at me. "Seras, you have no idea how much I care about you. You stay by my side regardless of what I have done to you. You forgive me when I should not be forgiven. You see me as a man, not a monster as everyone else does. You give me a purpose other that destruction of the undead. No other fledgling in the past has shown me such compassion, such love before. I need you Seras, I can't ever lose you." And with that his lips were on mine again but this time a bit more forceful, hungrier. He shimmied me back on to the bed and lay me on my back before straddling my waist. He nuzzled my throat and licked and nipped at the flesh. He slowly moved up to my ear and whispered, "Let me make love to you, my beautiful Seras." My heart skipped a beat, god I had wanted this for so long. "Yes," I whispered softly to him "make love to me, make me yours, now and forever." He kissed at my throat and began to descend till he reached the first button of my shirt. He unbuttoned it with a deliberate slowness, kissing at the newly discovered flesh. Once he had completed his task he lifted me up into a sitting position and peeled the shirt off me and then lay me back down. I knew that I was blushing. I had never done anything like this before! I also wasn't that comfortable with my own body let alone someone else looking at it, touching it, kissing it. His gaze was on me now and the look on his face was of pure desire. His mouth was slightly open, his tongue coming out to lick his lips as if hungry for what he saw. His eyes were now glowing but the look of lust within them was undeniable. His left hand moved to trace the curve of my right breast, a soft moan escaping my lips as he did. "Perfect, so flawless, so soft, like ivory silk, so pure." His head then moved down to capture my nipple in his mouth, sucking then nipping then licking to soothe.

My body was now arching up against his, our hips grinding, his stiff manhood pressed against my crotch. Curse the underwear to hell and back then again for good measure. "Alucard" was the only thing that I could say, or rather moan. His member twitched at the moan and he released my nipple and lay his head against my chest. "That moan, say my name again." I moaned his name again and his member twitched, he liked to hear me moan his name. Feeling devilish I leant my head down and whispered, "Would you like to hear me scream it in utter pleasure." His head bolted up and he stared right at me. He looked so devilish and happy but in a naughty way. His lips crashed on mine, our tongues caressed one another and demanded entrance to the others mouth. His right hand moved to take my left wrist and moved it between our bodies to feel his arousal over his boxers. I stroked him for a few moments before becoming bold enough to slip my hand inside and feel him directly. He was big, very big. I revelled in the groans he gave, the whimpers of my name. His hand released my wrist to move to my breast and massage it softly. I had only dreamed of doing this to my master, but I had some things that I wanted to do to him, and I am pretty sure he will enjoy it.

Taking my hand out of his boxers, must to his disappointment, I removed my lips from his and moved to bite at his earlobe before I whispered "Do you mind if I go on top? I want to try something." As soon as the words left my lips I found myself on top of him, straddling his now very hard erection. I leant down and kissed him again before taking a pilgrimage down his body. First his neck, then chest, then abs all covered with delicate kisses. I reached the waistband of his boxer and grinned more than the Cheshire cat. "Now this wont do at all Alucard. Sorry but these," I said playing with the hem of the boxers "just have to go." And with that they were down his legs and off. I have no idea what is giving me the courage to do this but hey, you can't live forever, so you have to take the chances. Positioning myself between his legs I realised he was now sitting up, supporting himself on his arms, looking straight at me. I kept his gaze while I began to stroke the length of his manhood. His head fell back and his arms began to tremble. I continued the torture until he was able to meet my gaze again. Now it was time to have fun.

I lowered my head taking the tip of him into my mouth and with that his arms gave out and he was now lying on the bed. I moved my head back up then down again taking a bit more in. I continued to do this until I had the whole of him in, which meant I was deep throating him. His moans were getting louder and more animalistic. I moved my head up and down, my tongue licking every inch of him. His chest was heaving with unneeded breath, calling out my name over and over. After a few minutes of the torture he came. I swallowed ever drop keeping him in my mouth until he was flaccid. I released him and lay my head on his stomach. His hands came down and stroked my hair gently, then pulling me up to face him. He kissed me so softly, so gently. Our bodies flipped so that he was now on top, his hands moved to stroke my wet panties, eliciting a series of moans and groans from me. He pulled away from the kiss and asked if I was sure that I wanted to do this, that my virginity was something precious that I should only give to someone I truly loved. I gave him a soft smile "That's why I want you to be my first Alucard. I love you so much." He nuzzled my throat and sighed. "I love you, my beloved no-life queen." He pulled my soaked underwear off and positioned himself right at my entrance, looking straight into my eyes. "This will hurt you darling, there is no way about it. I promise you, the pleasure I will give you will make you quickly forget the pain. Are you ready?" I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, his face buried into the crook of my neck again. "Seras, this is the part where you are supposed to close your eyes." I smiled to myself remembering the night we first met, I then closed my eyes.

He thrust in, quickly breaking the barrier of my virginity, my grip on him tightened and I gasped. He whispered words of comfort into my ear to then kiss my neck. After a few minutes the pain subsided and my grip loosened on his neck. He began to pull out and then thrust back in slowly, the pleasure was unbelievable. With every thrust the pleasure built in my crotch, the sound of Alucard calling my name in my ears. My hips met with every thrust as he got faster and harder, my screams of pleasure getting louder and louder. Alucard pushed himself up so he was now resting on his forearms, his hair now cascading down over his shoulders pooling beside my head. He licked my neck before biting and he began to drink. _"Drink Seras, become your own. Choose to be with me by choice, not obligation." _As he said that I realised I could not deny him. The pleasure was rising and I knew that I was close; I bit into his neck drinking the blood slowly, savouring the taste. It all proved to much, as soon as the blood went down my throat I tipped over the edge, the pleasure so exquisite that it began to feel dizzy. He released my neck and roared my name, his seed pouring into my womb. He collapsed on top of me, panting for unneeded breath. We lay like that, feeling the need to sleep to take over. "I love you Alucard." He rolled on to his side, never removing himself from me, and kissed me gently. "I love you Seras." We shared one more kiss before we fell in to our deep sleep, our legs intertwined, our bodies pressed together, connected in the most intimate of ways. No one could take us apart, I wouldn't let it happen and nor would he.


	6. The final letter from family

An: Yay! Final chapter. Sorry it took so long, first my exams then I am in a bloody car crash. In a word OUCH! Well I'm on the mend so here is the final chapter and what Seras wrote to Integra. Towards the end it goes to Integra's p.o.v.

Alucard lay with Seras within his coffin, enjoying the afterglow of their lovemaking. He was lying on his back with her head upon his chest, listening for his faint heart beat. Her fingers traced lazy circles over his abs, while his hands gently rubbed her back, tracing the now small scar from when the bullet from her suicide attempt exited her body. It still disturbed him about the fact she would do such a thing, but he knew now he had nothing to fear. He was never going to leave her and she would never leave him. He dipped his head and nuzzled her hair, inhaling her unique scent. Seras grinned and decided to pay homage to his nipples with her lips, which he responded with a groan. "Good god Seras I thought I would have worn you out by now." To this she drew her fans along his nipple, abusing the delicate flesh but he loved it.

"Alucard, you have no idea what you have got yourself into." She looked up and grinned at him. She then began to slowly descend down his body and under the sheets which covered his waist. His head tossed back and he gasped for unneeded air, "I've turned you into a sex crazed vampire, not that I am complaining." He groaned again as she continued her ministrations. Then all the pleasure just stopped, he looked down and there she was, looking at him and he could see an idea forming in her eyes. "Alucard, what is your favourite number?" She began to nuzzle the stomach of the now very confused vampire. "I don't know. Why do you ask?" She then crawled up his body so her face was equal with his and said the one thing that he didn't expect. "Because mines is 69." He now remembered that 69 was his favourite number too.

Integra sat in her office, smoking her cigar. She really needed to quit, but when you are the leader of a secret organisation who deals with vampires and one of your best agents tried to kill herself recently, who could truly blame her. After the incident she suffered from nightmares for about five days. Just what she saw happening over and over. She sighed and looked at the drawer to her left. She knew that in that drawer was Seras' final thoughts to her. She was yet to read the suicide note. She wanted to busy herself with something else but for once she didn't have anything to do, sods law. She opened the drawer and pulled out the envelope. She was always to afraid to read it because of what it might say, but yet inside she always wanted to know what Seras thought of her at that time.

I opened the slowly, wanting to prolong it yet at the same time wanting to get it over with at the same. She pulled out the letter and began to read

Dear Integra

I hope you understand why I am doing this. I have been nothing but a burden to you and your organisation, I was unable to protect you when you were attacked, I don't drink the blood, and I am useless. I want you to know that this is not your fault. There is just far too much on my plate and I just can't cope anymore. I want you to know that as well as seeing you as my boss, I also saw you as a big sister. You did all that you could to make sure I didn't make mistakes yet I still screw up. Please take care of yourself, Alucard and Walter. You were my family and I hope you don't forget me.

All my heart and soul

Seras Victoria.

I took a deep breath. If she had died I don't know what I would do at this moment. She saw me as a sister like figure and I hurt her, I am such a fool. But she is alive and well. Alucard has been so defensive of her. I hear Walter come in and I wipe away some of the moisture from my eyes. He moves towards me and says "So you have read the letter." I nodded numbly. He pulled me into a gentle embrace and strokes my hair. I have seen Walter as a father to me for a long time. Then I realised something, that me, Seras, Alucard and Walter are all a family. From different perspectives you get different relation ships, but from mine I had Walter the father, Alucard the pain in the ass big brother and Seras the timid yet strong little sister. I knew that me and Walter would die but until that time, I had a family, I was loved and cared for. I felt safe. God how I have longed for this feeling.

Alucard was laying, with Seras underneath him, his head lying on top of her breasts; they proved to be very comfortable pillows. They knew that they needed to get up, but a few more minutes in each others arms wasn't going to hurt. He looked up at her and they just smiled, eternity was no longer going to be lonely.


End file.
